A gentle soul who gave her best to all of us

Ten years ago, a great spirit only 40 years old left this world. In life she had the best of fortune and the worst of fortune. Kshirabdhi was born into an illustrious Sri Lankan family, the great-great-granddaughter of Sir Ponnambalam Arunachalam. She was beautiful both physically and spiritually. She was surrounded by wealth and admirers. None of this made her arrogant, as it would many others. She was blessed with a gentle soul seeing no difference between the high and the low, valuing and respecting all equally.

Her wide circle of friends in Sri Lanka encompassed all ethnicities, all religions, and all age groups. Sinhalese and Tamils, Muslims and Burgers, ancients and babies, all were thrilled to see her. The 13 years we lived in England together brought her many more friends particularly from the junior school our son attended and she taught at.

But at an early age she was afflicted with arthritis that over the years progressed beyond her joints to invade her lungs. She was blessed with great inner strength and courage that enabled her to hide this painful affliction from those around her. Like her mother she was a great athlete at school, though she had to take Panadol before competing and after winning was in pain. When it became impossible to hide her illness, her inner strength enabled her to feign it as less disabling than it actually was. Even to me.

I first met Kshirabdhi when she was 21 years old. Over the years I saw in her many things I myself lacked. My character is not as warm, not as considerate, not as patient, not as affectionate. She patiently put up with me and came to understand me. From her hospital bed 10 years ago, when we were still expecting to be released to go home, watching me inconsiderately tapping away at my laptop she said to me, “You are a good man”. Words I will treasure to my last day.

The greatest gift I gave her, and she gave me, is our son Karnan. Karnan was the good fortune she valued most in her life. He was more than enough to compensate for all the misfortunes she had to endure. For Kshirabdhi 16 years of Karnan more than made up for 30 years of illness.

In this tenth year since she passed away, Karnan is marrying Ellie, his English fiancée. Kshirabdhi will be full of joy, as am I, that our son has found a lovely girl who will take care of him just as well as Kshirabdhi took care of me.